SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE - Jokes.....

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART I

1. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

2. What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

3. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

4. Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

5. What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One US leader.

6. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

7. Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

8. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a
room together?
100 people who don't do dick.

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)

1. What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

2. What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

3. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

4. What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

5. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

6. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

7. Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

8. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

9. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

10. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.

11. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has
the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.

12. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

13. What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

14. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

15. What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

16. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

17. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

18. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

19. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

20. Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the
car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff)

1. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

2. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

3. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

4. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter
than the other?
A speech impediment.

5. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast?
They're hiring.

6. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern
zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of
the cage along with... "a recipe".

7. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!

8. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a
southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

9. My, my, how times have changed.
Years ago...When 100 white men chased one black man, we called
it the Ku Klux Klan; today they call it the PGA TOUR.

10. Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend
will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"

New Feature

Added a weblog subscription engine - now you can subscribe to Graewulf's Weblog.

Well we had one heck of a cabin party.. Everyone had fun, costumes were incredible... We had a good ride out & back..

I have a cold... I feel like my head is going to explode! I hate colds! Tomorrow we head out for the cabin party... should be interesting.

Where is Voyager?

Untitled Document

Now this is just way too cool! Voyager 1 & 2 are both still operational!

I want to scream! My laptop blew up today.... I spent most of the day reinstalling it.



On the bright side, this is the first post from my palm pilot... I still have to sync to post but its not too bad

just testing to see if this works

Got my costume finished for the cabin party this weekend. Should definitely be interesting to see what everyone is doing. I'm getting closer to getting the trip journal typed in for the adoption but have a few pages left to do.

Got the driveshaft rebuilt on Saturday - didn't realize just how loud it had gotten till I fixed it. The Jeep is much quieter now and the vibration is gone from the front end too. It even sounds like the noise fromt he rear end is queter - though that could be because the front end was adding t the level of noise.

Tomorrow is Jeep repair day

Looks like tomorrow I get to rebuild the front driveshaft - it is rattling pretty good in 4WD, noticed it today when using it in full-time in the snow. So I picked up the parts to rebuild both shafts.. i figure after 146000 miles it's time.

Near-Earth Object Program

wow, just a little close...


A small near-Earth asteroid (NEA), discovered Monday night by the NASA-funded LINEAR asteroid survey, will make the closest approach to Earth ever recorded. There is no danger of a collision with the Earth during this encounter.

The object, designated 2004 FH, is roughly 30 meters (100 feet) in diameter and will pass just 43,000 km (26,500 miles, or about 3.4 Earth diameters) above the Earth's surface on March 18th at 5:08 PM EST (2:08 PM PST, 22:08 UTC).

Asteroid 2004 FH's point of closest approach with the Earth will be over the South Atlantic Ocean. Using a good pair of binoculars, the object will be bright enough to be seen during this close approach from areas of Europe, Asia and most of the Southern Hemisphere.



Near-Earth Object Program

It's a sad day when the liars (lawyers) in this country resort to prosecuting clergy for marrying gay couples.... but then again, this is the country where your 6 year old can be expelled for having a cough drop in their back pack....

Still working on the adoption trip log. Also added our family tree to the site.... Check it out, it needs lots of information to make it complete, but it is a start (over 200 people on it)

Murphy's Law Was Invented Here

Murphy's Law Was Invented Here

Grand Challenge - Live updates

Grand Challenge

Yahoo! News - 15 Teams Qualify for Mojave Robot Race

Now this is one cool race!

Yahoo! News - 15 Teams Qualify for Mojave Robot Race

Still working on typing in our journal from the trip - I'm about 1/4 of the way there, we wrote quite a bit. I hope to get it online by th eweekend if I can.

Jeg lag got the better of me today, I came home at noon adn slept till about 5 or so... Hopefully tomorrow will go better for me.

Jet lag sucks! I'm still tired, though getting back into the normal daily routine....

We're back from Russia - what a trip - lots of pictures, lots of time with our little girl, some excitement on the plane back.. I'll be posting our trip journal to the site sometime soon, and hope to get the pictures up tonight or tomorrow. Check back often for updates, and be sure to look at the web page blog to see what I've added recently.

Greetings from Russia!

Well, we made it! We're in Khabarovsk, arrived this mornign at 9am. Yesterday we went to Red Square, the Kremlin, Lenin's Tomb, and St Basil's cathedral. We're both beat, jet lag sucks! We have lots of pictures so far, some video. We got to see Katya today, what a cutie! she is spaking a few words in Russian, and is doing very well, right where you would expect an 18 month old to be. We'll upload pictures to the site when we get back, as well as a blog I'll make from our journal of the trip. Lots of detail in there....

Da Svidana